The other day I was out mowing and string trimming the yard and the boy, who was 8 at the time of writing, asked if he could use the string trimmer. My gut thought was, “No, it’s too big and dangerous,” but I didn’t voice that. Instead, I paused and considered it.
What was the worst that could happen? How likely was that to happen? And how could that be mitigated?
Could he hurt himself or others? Yes, but if I make sure he’s wearing long pants, shoes, ear and eye protection and watch him like a hawk, not likely. What’s to gain? Lots! Confidence to try new things, confidence to ask me about his wants and needs, and experience with the tool.
One of my favorite webcartoonists, lunarbaboon, has a comic called “Tools” that speaks to this idea quite well:
Will this end well? Yes! But it will certainly start poorly. I didn’t expect him to do a great job. But that’s fine; grass grows back. I didn’t expect him to be able to hold the tool, but he surprised me by not only holding it well, but using decent technique! I did have to start it for him, however.
My hope is that in the future he won’t be afraid to ask, he’ll get a little better, and in the further future, he’ll not only able to do it all by himself, but feel good doing it!
It would have been easy for me to just say, “no, you’re too little, too young, this is my job.” But that just shuts him down, and kills his curiosity and desire to try. “Sure, let me show you how” is harder in the moment, but it’s an investment in both of our futures. It will help him to be a better person, and me to be a better dad.
How many other times have we as parents taken the easier path? It’s darn tempting sometimes. Does the kid want to help make the lasagna? It makes a 15-minute task take 30 minutes, but they are improving their cooking skills and comfort in asking to help! Does another kid want to “help” build some chairs? Sure kid, let me show you where to put the pencil mark before we cut this piece. Did the chairs turn out, sure! Was it done quickly, not so much. The important part is the investment, in taking the time to teach, to encourage their wanting to learn and help, and train them right!
